All The World's A Stage
by sockstar
Summary: The school prepares a production of Romeo and Juliet.


**Notes: **Okay, this is going to be a series of one-shots about a few clichés in the iCarly fic fandom. Some might be cracky, some might be dark or realistic, or just taking that cliché, and writing it differently to how it happens in our fics. A deconstruction perhaps to any tropers out there.

Anyway, If you've used them, don't take offense, it's in good humour :D (or would be if I was any good at writing comedy).

If you have any clichés you've seen and might want something written about (and no, I'm not going to leave Creddie out of this, and I've probably used some of them anyway), leave a review :) Pairings might be written normally, one-sided/unrequited, dark, cracky or ignored completely.

* * *

A gang of students were huddled around a sign up sheet. Stuck onto the bulletin board in the hall, was a sign up sheet.

"What does it say?" Freddie asked. At that moment, the bell rang, and Mr Howard appeared to force the majority of the throng to class. Carly, Freddie and Sam remained in the hall way, curious at the notice.

"Hmm." Freddie pondered.

"The school is holding a production of Romeo and Juliet. And it's open to everyone," Freddie paused, then continued, "Why isn't the drama club running it? And why are auditions open to everyone? They already have enough club members to cast the whole play twice over."

"I watched their version of West Side Story last year. It was great." Carly told no-one in particular.

"Yawn. Romeo and Juliet is so cliché."

Carly just tittered at Sam, then the proverbial light-bulb flashed above her head.

"Maybe you should sign up for it Freddie. Who knows, maybe you'll end up as Romeo and fall in love with the girl playing Juliet!" Carly teased lightly.

"Only if you sign up for it as well. Who knows, maybe you'll end up as Juliet and fall in love with the guy playing Romeo!" Freddie teased back. Normally he'd wonder why on earth he'd even contemplate signing up, when he considered his somewhat abject, 'stare at the camera' performances on their web show.

But of course. If one of the girls wanted something, so did he. Carly would flutter her eyelashes, Sam would threaten him. And he did what they asked. Unfair. Then again, he knew he got a few distinct benefits out of the arrangement.

Freddie himself realized that based off his 'on-camera' appearances on the web show, that he wasn't the greatest actor, and probably wouldn't get a part at all. Or more likely he figured, he'd get a small part that'd force him to watch Carly making out with some prancing, preening future Brad Pitt for weeks at a time. And no-one would want that.

The only tongue he wanted down Carly's throat was his own. And maybe Sam's.

Carly grabbed the pen attached to the bottom of the board, and signed her name down.

Freddie followed, "You ever wonder why we can stand around out here doing anything, and none of the teachers care? We're never late either. Plus everything always happens out here. It's like this is the only hallway the school has."

"Never. Nope" Both girls exclaimed together.

"All I care about is eating fatcakes." Sam grabbed the pen out of Freddie hand followed by shoving him to the ground because he was looking at Carly when he asked the question. Sam quickly stabbed her name down and threw the pen at the prostrate tech producer.

"You're signing up?"

"Ah, sure. Might give me the chance for some patented Sam Puckett mischief."

* * *

A few weeks, and a few auditions later, the throng were assembled once more around the sacred bulletin board. This time there was loud chatter, exhortations and cries of despair.

"Look, they posted the cast." As soon as they headed over to the board, the bell rang. Once again, Mr Howard appeared to shoo everyone but Carly, Sam and Freddie away.

"Funny. It happened again. Are we invisible?"

"No, just the main characters." Sam said casually.

"In what?" Carly asked.

"My life. What did you think I was going to say? A tv show? A movie? A story? Yeah right. If this was a tv show or some kind of story, me saying that would _totally _break the fourth wall, and you just don't do that. It's not the Seattle way."

Carly shrugged off her crazy friend, then ran over, extremely excited. Having auditioned, hopefully to get the role of Juliet. Carly felt like she would be branching out from the pure comedy on their webshow, and turning to drama.

"What." Carly stared at the boarding. Reading it up and down. Stock still, she couldn't believe her eyes.

"What's the problem?"

"I'm not in the play at all. I thought I did good." Freddie and Sam both walked over to give Carly a hug, putting aside their usual public display of hatred since no-one was around to see it.

"I don't understand," Carly sobbed, on the verge of real tears. This was something she'd wanted to do for a while, and felt really good about when she auditioned.

"We'll go find out why from the teacher who is running it. Okay honey?"

"Okay," Carly sniffled, before they all composed themselves and went to class. No-one noticed they were late.

* * *

After the parts were given out after school one day, Sam and Freddie made their way up to the Shay apartment to inform Carly all about it. They sat around the kitchen table, Sam munching on some pork chops, with Freddie and Carly just drinking some iced tea.

"So Freddie, what parts did you and Sam get?" In her head visions of Sam as Juliet, and Freddie as Romeo had played out in her mind, and needed to know for sure.

With Sam's mouth occupied Freddie spoke up, "Well, Carly, I er, I'm one of the townspeople." Freddie was still saddened that Carly had not been given a position in the play, and angry about why she wasn't.

"Oh, is it an important towns-person?"

"Not really. I just stand around during a scene at the start, and that's it. I don't have any lines." Freddie scratched at his head, unsure if it really meant anything worthwhile anyway.

"Well, I mean, that's better than nothing right?"

"Yeah I guess." He'd decided to try not sounding excited about it in front of Carly.

"What about you Sam?"

Sam finished chewing and made a big gulp before replying, "I got The Nurse. Apparently because I'm the only chick here that the costume will look good in."

"Yeah, Carly, you need to see it, her boobs are like epic." Freddie pretty much yelled at her, whilst holding his arms wide in some kind of boob width measurement. Carly stifled a laugh, ever since he turned 16, he'd become about as interested in boobs as anyone had ever been before.

"Come on nub, they aren't that great."

"They totally are Sam. I wish I had mine were that big."

"God Carly, can you not bring up your boob jealousy again?"

"Sorry." Carly shied away, chastised by Sam.

"You're perfect anyway Carly." Sam just rolled her eyes at the dork, no matter how old he got, Freddie would still be the same little brown eyed puppy dog with his little puppy dog crush.

"Thank you Freddie," Carly replied, before continuing back on the original point, "I just thought maybe you'd get to play the lead Sam."

"Nah, the stupid teachers daughter got it. Weak chizz. And I can't do any mischief, because Principal Franklin told me the teacher could get me expelled if I damaged her daughters big moment."

"Oh that's too bad." Freddie said, genuinely unhappy. He wanted revenge for Carly being rejected, but now he couldn't risk anything without causing problems for Sam.

"Whatever, I'm bored. Let's do something."

"I could think of a few things to do." Freddie said.

"You can can you?"

"Oh yes Carly, yes indeed."

* * *

All the preparation was complete. Lines were rehearsed, sets painted, costumes fitted and ready. All the world's a stage, and so was one of the larger rooms at the school.

Freddie did his part, what little there was.

Sam did her part, and did it quite well.

They'd celebrated with the cast, congratulated the other students, and then made their way home in the beat up car Freddie had bought for his 17th birthday.

Spencer was out night fishing with Socko, that being the only thing I could think of to get him out of the house. Mrs. Benson was at work. Like she always is.

Up in Carly's bedroom, the iCarly trio were in various stages of undress. Carly was naked from the waist down. Freddie was completely naked. Sam was naked from the waist up.

His mouth was occupied with kissing Sam, whilst his hand was snaking around Carly's legs and crotch. Carly had reciprocated Freddie's touching, as Sam continued to make out with Freddie.

Carly stopped for a moment, an eyebrow raised in thought.

Sam noticed Carly's strange expression, "Whats the matter Carls? Not really feeling it? I'll swap with Freddie, Mama knows how to please a woman."

"No.. it's just.. never mind. Don't worry about it."

"Sure." Sam said, as she left Freddie and started kissing Carly. Freddie pouted for a second, and then well, two hot girls were making out in front of him. He wasn't going to start complaining.

7 and three quarter minutes later, the kissing had become more frenzied, the touching faster, the moaning and panting quicker. It was interrupted when Carly suddenly sat bolt upright. The light bulb had struck again. By then they were all naked, and Freddie and Sam took a moment to realize Carly had stopped. When they did, they both sat up as well, looking at each other in puzzlement.

A few moments passed before Carly burst into voice, loud and strident.

"That play is such a rip-off of West Side Story!"

**END**

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* * *

****AN: **So there we have it. Plot 1: The Play. Please R&R :D


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